


Real People

by OtherCat



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Fanon Cliches, Humor, Meta, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-16
Updated: 2002-07-16
Packaged: 2017-10-07 15:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story was originally written in 2002 and posted to a mailing list called nummytreats. It was the one of the first fanfic I'd written and posted.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Real People

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written in 2002 and posted to a mailing list called nummytreats. It was the one of the first fanfic I'd written and posted.

_ **Alex awoke with the sense that someone was watching him. Through half** _

_ **closed lids, he could see the silhouette of William standing in the doorway. Watching him. Despite himself, the human shivered. Though he knew the vampire couldn't hurt him, the knowledge of having so dangerous a predator in his apartment, casually watching him while he slept was more than a little unnerving for the mortal. ** _

Spike paused a moment, and sat back in his chair, chewing thoughtfully on the end of his pen. Now, should he have William twig to the fact that Alex was awake, or should he have Alex say something to William? Something nice and snarky maybe, and have William say something in response that would eventually lead to the pair of them shagging. After a moment's thought, he decided on the latter.

_ **"Hey, Fangless," Alex said, trying to hide his nerves behind a veil of bravado that he didn't really feel. "Practicing the brood and stalk thing for Cecily?"** _

_ **The vampire snorted. "That's my Sire's claim to fame, not mine--"** _

"Hey Spike!"

"GAH!" Spike jumped clear out of his seat at the intruder's voice, and paper went flying every where. "Bloody HELL, Slayer, when will you learn to knock?!"

Buffy attempted to look apologetic. "Um, sorry?" She frowned curiously at the scattered papers. "What's all this?" she asked, and bent to help Spike retrieve them.

_OhbloodyhellifshereadsthoseI'mdead, _Spike thought, and almost snatched them from her hands. He had managed to keep his little hobby a secret from the prying eyes of the Scoobies thus far, and didn't think he could live with the ridicule if they found out they were the subjects of certain of his forays into real people fic. On the other hand, if he tried to stop her, she'd think the worse, and confiscate them_...Keep it cool, let's not make her suspicious... _"Nothing, really. S'boring in my crypt, what with the telly being on the fritz, been doin' a little writing an all," he said, "Er...it's...fanfic,

Passions," he continued, trying not to sound nervous.

He hadn't written real people fic in years, truthfully, not since Darla had taken offense to something he'd written about her, and persuaded Angelus to punish him for the deed. Which Angelus had, after he had finally stopped laughing about it. Since then, he'd restricted himself to books, radio, and more recently, movie and television characters.

Buffy looked interested, a reaction that Spike hadn't actually expected. Eeep. "Really?" She started to read. Inwardly, Spike groaned. After a few paragraphs, her eyes got big, and she blushed. She glanced up at Spike, and somehow managed to blush even harder. Read some more, and choked. "Umm...real people fic? Eeww?"She said, once she'd regained control of her voice. She handed the papers back to Spike as if there was something sticky on them. Then she turned tail and ran, muttering something about "First Xander and now _Spike?" _under her breath.

Spike took a moment to process that last comment, and tore off after her. He caught up with her, and, knowing better than to grab her from behind, used just the least bit more speed to get in front of her. The Slayer dug in her heels, just barely managing not run full tilt into the vampire. "What do you mean, first _Xander?" _He demanded.

"So not telling," Buffy said, looking mortified. "No _way _am I telling, ask him yourself," she said, and managed to dodge around him.

Spike blinked. "I think I will," he said.

Tracking down Xander however, turned out to be harder than he'd thought

it would be. Xander always seemed to be just leaving, or already gone by the time Spike got there. It took three days before he finally cornered the whelp in the Magic Shop. Xander was leaning against the counter, watching Anya do her little "I got the money" dance with a fond look on his face. On sighting Spike though, he straightened up immediately, eyes darting about as he looked for a place to hide.

If Xander looked panicked, Anya looked pleased. "Hello Spike, you can talk to Xander after I close the till." Xander looked even more panicked.

"Ahn--" he began. Anya shushed him. "If you didn't want anyone to find out about the stories you wrote, you shouldn't have left them where they could be read." She looked at Spike as she closed the till. "Though I can't imagine _why _he'd want to hide them...they're perfectly wonderful stories."

"Because I don't want to _die?" _Xander said.

"Why don't you tell me about these stories of yours, pet," Spike said with a menacing purr.

Xander gurgled, and blushed. "Umm...no?"

Anya sighed the sigh of the much put-upon, and hauled out a three inch binder stuffed with paper out from under the counter. Xander squeaked, and made a mad scramble for the binder. Anya dodged the grab, and deftly handed it over to Spike. Xander groaned, and slumped against the counter in defeat. "I'm so _dead," _he groaned. Spike ignored Xander for the moment, and began flipping through the stories, until one caught his eye.

_ **Alex gasped as impossibly strong hands slammed him up against the wall. His terrified gaze was drawn to the sulphur yellow eyes of his attacker. It was Billy Blood, the vampire from parent teacher night.** _

_ **"Nice to see you again, pet," the vampire drawled. "Should we take this ** _

_ **up where we left off last night?" ** _

_ **"Since your Sire offered to let you kill me last night, I think that's a big no way in hell," he said, trying to hide his fear behind some admittedly unsnappy repartee.** _

_ **The vampire smiled. "Now why would I kill the first prezzie my Sire's given me in decades, pet?" Billy purred, and bent his head to kiss Alex full on the lips.** _

Spike's mouth quirked in amusement. "_Billy Blood_?" he asked Xander.

"Kill me now, and get it over with," Xander groaned, burying his face

in his hands.

Spike smirked. "Now why would I do that?"

"Because I wrote smut about the evil undead?"

_If you only knew, pet, _Spike thought, and snickered. "The kiss was soft, but far, far from chaste," the vampire read aloud. Xander whimpered.

"Shut up!"

"It froze Alex in place--terrifying and exhilirating at the same time--"

Xander lunged for the binder, and snatched it away from Spike. The vampire let him, trying hard not to laugh at the furious, humiliated expression on the young man's face. "C'mon pet, it's a lovely little story. Can't I read just a little more?" Spike asked with a pout.

"NO!" Xander clutched the binder to him, and glared at Spike.

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," Spike said, with a suggestive leer.

Xander flushed slightly, then glared harder. "What do you mean, 'I'll show you mine'?" Xander said, a horrible suspicion forming in his mind.

"It means that Spike has been writing RPS about _you," _Anya said with cheerful unconcern for Spikesmirk or Xanderglare. "

"You _knew _about this?" Xander yelped. His face was red, and he was gripping the binder so hard that Spike thought the thing might break in half.

"Of _course_ I did, Xander," Anya said cheerfully. "I found out after after Spike caught me writing Angel/Spike."

Xander boggled.

"She's also written some Helen Keller/Anne Sullivan, that you wouldn't believe, and a Nikolai Tesla/Thomas Edison, and I have no idea of what she was smoking when she came up with _that _one, but I want some..." Spike said with an evil grin.

"H-helen Keller/Anne Sullivan?" Xander stammered, horrified.

Anya rolled her eyes. "When Helen was an _adult_...'Breakfast: Reprise' won an award for Best Vignette in the Blind Victory Awards," the ex-demon announced proudly.

"One of my favorites," Spike said. "'Helen looked as innocent as a woman who had just stolen two sausages and a biscuit from her mentor's plate could possibly look, which wasn't very.' Very sweet."

Anya looked pleased with herself. "You've read it?"

Spike smiled. "Had the pulp for years, until Dru used it to line one of her bird cages,"

"Oh, too bad," Anya said with a frown.

"As great as this trip down memory lane is, Spike was writing RPS, about _me_? With _who_?!" Xander demanded.

Spike's only answer was a smirk, and a long, slow once over.

"Me?!" Xander asked. _I did NOT just squeak, I did NOT! _

"Why so surprised, Xander?" Spike said in a low, purring voice, and stalked closer. The part of Xander's brain that was a die-hard slasher was describing that walk of Spike's as "pantherlike" and "rolling," and "pure sex."

"After all," Spike continued. "You've been writing about me--" The part of Xander's brain that had what it thought of as common sense backed away as far as he could go, which turned out to be not very far, because he ended up backing into the check out counter, where Spike fenced Xander in further, gripping the counter on either side of him. "Being with you, so it shouldn't be any surprise, that I'm writing about you...being with me?" Spike murmured, eyes half closed as his mouth slanted toward Xander's in a kiss.

"Gah," Xander said, in a near panic, but didn't try to break free. No, because his brain was in terminal meltdown as Spike's (soft, slightly smirking) lips brushed against Xander's in a feathery kiss. "Mrfl." Xander said, as kiss became a little more firm, and Spike's tongue slipped into his mouth, and Xander's hands gravitated to Spike's hips, and pulled the vampire closer. The common sense part of his mind was protesting loudly, but the part that wanted to keep kissing Spike told the common sense part to mind it's own business.

"OH MY GOD!"

Crash.

Xander jumped about a foot in the air, and Spike propelled himself away from the counter with a startled leap, looking around as if expecting attack. Instead of an attack, there was a very guilty looking Buffy standing next to a shattered porcelain statue of Anubis. "Um. Ooops?" She said, face red as a beet.


End file.
